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Archive for January, 2010

Common Courtesy?

It seems like every day I come across numerous examples where people just lack common courtesy. It eventually starts to grate on a person. Cell phones seem to be a popular one as seen in these two examples I saw in a 10 minute span yesterday.

5 min before the start of a class: A girl is in the back of the room, talking loudly on her cell phone. She is freaking out because someone she knew was driving drunk, wrecked his car, broke all his ribs and a leg and an arm. Now I understand the seriousness of the situation, I have been there myself, but personally I would have taken the conversation to a more private place, particularly with this statement “If he makes it I’m going to beat his ass so hard that he will never drive drunk again.” Hmmmm…not my first statement upon hearing that a friend is in critical condition.  There were already a good number of people in the classroom chatting with friends, eating, or catching up on work; I would venture to guess that I was not the only one irritated.

Same class. Two minutes in. A phone rings out loud and the guy stands up and walks out to answer it. Several things bothered me in this situation.1. His phone was on ring. 2. He was sitting in the very front of the room and left to answer it. 3. Instead of silencing the phone as he left, he simply let it ring loudly as he walked through the entire population of desks. Yes, I understand that sometimes there are important calls that one has to take during class. I have had several, but I deal with them differently. 1. I have my phone on vibrate. 2. I sit near the back of the classroom so the fewest number of people see me leave. 3. I hit the silence button (not ignore) on my phone as I’m leaving, or open it up and wait to say anything until I’m out.

Not to pretend that I am perfect with my cell phone. I text during class, I have even texted during music rehearsals (although that behavior is firmly in my past), I text as I walk across the street, I occasionally talk on my phone as I’m going through checkout lines (although in my defense when it’s my turn I either hang up or ask my callee to hold on a few minutes). But I try to be respectful of society as a whole.

Other things that have bothered me in the past:

One time waiting in the Walmart checkout line there were two roommates checking out in front of me. They were splitting groceries as they pulled them out of my cart and I assumed that they would be paying separately. However, after the first section of groceries was paid for they informed the clerk that they didn’t want any of the rest and the poor lady then had to spend 5 minutes taking the groceries off the belt and placing them behind the checkout counter.

In PetSmart, a lady brought her beagle in and he pulled her through the aisles howling the whole time. And she is not the only person to bring an out of control dog to PetSmart. I refuse to go on weekends because there are so many people who don’t have the slightest idea how to keep a dog under control. Zephyr has not always been a perfect angel in PetSmart either. On one visit he started literally jumping on shelves, but he was a small puppy and I immediately pulled him in close and kept him from repeating. As he has grown bigger I am always certain to take food, a choke chain and, when he has been in severe periods of behavioral regression, a pinch collar. I am pleased to say that although he isn’t perfect and I personally would prefer his behavior to be much better, he is not a nuisance to any of the other customers or employees.

A resident in an apartment building next to mine always parks his car directly in front of his door even though he has a designated spot a little further down. This means that people in buildings set further from the lot (like mine) have to park farther away and can’t park in their designated spots. We all pay good money for a parking spot and I get very irritated when people think that their parking permit is worth more than another person’s.

Enough of my bitching.

~L

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I have returned. My stint in treatment is over, now it’s up to me. I am scared. I’m scared because I still struggle to believe that my ultra-low calorie consumption was a problem because I didn’t lose very much weight. I’m scared because there are many times that I can’t bring myself to eat a full meal, but I’m scared of eating at any other time because I equate that with getting fat. I am scared because I still so terribly want to return to my old habits.

Now I am back to school. I have so much work to do to make up for missing two weeks. Papers to write, chapters to read, administrative people to talk to regarding my absence. It’s all a bit overwhelming right now. Not to mention my apartment is a disaster from finals week followed by five weeks of hopping in briefly and dropping a few things off while picking other things up.

I just need to keep myself focused. I’m trying to choose my top 2-3 actions to get done and then limiting my work to that. I have a tendency to make very long lists that can be overwhelming to the point where I don’t want to do anything. However I must remember that I can only do one thing at a time, so as long as there is at least one item on my list, I’m covered.

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If you want to feel really bad about yourself:

1) Drive an hour every morning and every night while

2) Listening to Thomas Friedman’s Hot, Flat, and Crowded on audio

That is what I have done recently.  Every morning I leave at 6:45 a.m. to drive to my treatment program. Every night I leave treatment at 5 p.m. and return home [my parent’s house at this moment]. And I listen to audiobooks, the current one is Hot, Flat, and Crowded. I’ve read it before, and I do believe we need to make serious changes to save our planet and ourselves. So I already felt bad about all the driving I was doing with this ED treatment program and my lodging situation. Thomas Friedman has not been helping the situation.

I’ve had a rough time recently. Eating disorder treatment is hard; I knew that going in. However, it only gets harder. So it is getting harder and of course a part of me wants to quit now and not have to do the scary, difficult work of leaving behind my eating disorder behaviors that have been with me for so many years and helped me cope with a lot of distress. Not that an eating disorder is all good. Quite the contrary, in the long run it makes life immeasurably more difficult, but it is still something familiar. So along with all the difficulty inherent in treatment at this point, school is starting again. This Monday, the 11th. And I am two hours away–spending all day in a hospital talking about my feelings. Believe me, I am angry. I am angry that the treatment team doesn’t think I’m ready to leave yet (although I can also [logically] see that I am not ready to leave either). It is my last semester in undergraduate, all the classes I am taking I need to graduate, and I am incredibly scared that one of my professors won’t be willing to work with my absence and, as a result, I won’t be able to graduate in May.

The difficulty was getting to me yesterday. First a bit of background though. This year I bought a Sony Touch Reader, so all I have to do is borrow textbooks from the library, scan them into PDF (the library has wonderful, fast scanners to do this) and then put them on my reader.  On my reader I can highlight sections, write notes on the margins and bookmark certain pages. I am also planning to put the PDF slides that many professors put online before lectures onto my reader and then I can take my usual notes directly on the slides [on the reader]. I save paper, money, and a whole lot of energy and space by not having to lug around 12 lb textbooks. This weekend I returned to [A] to get my textbooks from the school library and scan them. I arrived at 6:15 on Friday only to discover that the library had closed at 5 and would be closed both Saturday and Sunday. That was the last straw. After spending an exhausting day talking about my feelings, being uncomfortably full from all the food they make me eat, driving two hours (listening to T. Friedman), and being angry about not being able to return to school, I broke down. I was sobbing about the library being closed. Ridiculous. I mean, I love the library and all, but it was a bit over the top. This morning however, I managed to see a little more clearly and realized that many college students don’t have textbooks the first week and class and manage just fine. I guess I will make the trek again next weekend (hopefully to stay) and get my books then. And I returned to my parent’s house today so I wouldn’t be tempted to not return to treatment on Monday.

~L

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