Archive for March, 2013

Convincing Myself

I’m trying to convince myself that’s its ok to not run today. According to my training plan I’m supposed to be doing a 4-mile tempo run. But I’ve been feeling under the weather since Friday with some pretty nasty sinus stuff. Nasty enough that I didn’t go to work yesterday and spent all day sleeping. Today I had to work 4 hours (yearly health survey administration, all staff, yadayada) and every time I breathe in or out I have pain behind my eye. Needless to say that in itself would make me not feel like running; add in general fatigue and it’s at the bottom of my list right now. I ran after work on Saturday when I felt similar to this. 3 easy miles. Immediately after I did feel better (running always clears my sinuses), but the next day I felt much much worse. And I can’t take tomorrow off. Regardless of how I feel I have to administer health surveys to 3 different classes and then I have students scheduled all afternoon.

But I feel guilty. I feel guilty because I didn’t run on Thursday. (I was sore that day…probably from sleeping in my crappy bed at my parents’) I’m also afraid. Afraid that if I let myself take today off then I will take tomorrow and Thursday off too. Afraid that I won’t know how to adjust my training plan accordingly if I take too much time off. I always do this: I foresee one day turning into a lifetime. I foresee one meal with potato chips turning into every meal for the next 3 months including potato chips. Because if I tell myself it’s ok to do something today, them why wouldn’t I tell myself it’s ok tomorrow too? But it’s just today. I’m just asking today off. Tomorrow I will do 2 easy miles as my plan says. And hopefully Thursday I will be feeling up to 7.

In other news:

I’m checking off all the things that I need to do for med school. It is such a good feeling to know exactly what needs to be done and get it done. No more of this “Sometime in the future, maybe, depending on what med school accepts me” type to-dos. Now I have concrete items with concrete deadlines.

So far I have:
Completed my FAFSA
Finished my schools additional verification form that I am a “self-supporting” student (for some reason they verify above/beyond the FAFSA)
Sent in both my and my parents’ tax returns (part of that additional verification, and the parental forms are required by the med school even high I am “self-supporting,” I don’t get it either)
Applied for a summer “Intro to Medical Education” program
Applied for a rural scholars/loam repayment program
Requested letters of recommendation for said rural program
Registered for second look/get acquainted day (after requesting time off because it’s on a Saturday)

Not bad.

I still need to:
Finish medical forms saying I don’t have any communicable diseases (really I should get a physical since I haven’t had one for over a year, and while we’re on the topic of health exams don’t even ask about the last time I went to the dentist)
Write actual thank you cards to all the people who helped me in the application process that include updates about my acceptances and decision of where to attend.
Make out a budget for the next year

There are lots of other non-medical-school to-dos in my life as well.

And finally,

I’m really burnt out on both my jobs right now.

I have 8 more weeks scheduled at Student Health and ~20-21 weekends at the hospital.

Yes, I have reached countdown-level desperation.

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March Madness

Now, I’m not really a sports person and my March Madness brackets typically turn out to be whatever school/state I like best or has the coolest mascot. So this year, I decided to forgo the basketball bracket and do one that I was really passionate about:


That’s right. Some radio station in California decided to pit public radio shows against each other. And I fully approve. So much that I even went to the effort of printing and filling out a bracket.

Here’s my bracket: (and I just realized I forgot to put in who I thought would win it all…I’m choosing WWDTM over This American Life…tough call though)


First round voting is done and I correctly chose 12 of the 16 matchups. Much better than any basketball bracket I’ve ever done.

I’ll keep posting my progress, but if you want to see the actual competition it’s here: http://www.scpr.org/news/2013/03/21/36465/poll-public-radio-bracket-madness-round-2-vote-for/


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Living the Dream

My dream finally came true–I was accepted at the in-state allopathic (MD) medical school!! After 4 years of applying it was more than I had hoped for.

When I applied again this year I wasn’t even sure I would be allowed to apply a 4th time. I remember one of the first years I applied that there was a 3-application limit. However, I dug around online and couldn’t find it on their website anywhere so I went ahead and applied anyway. ¬†At every step of the process I was afraid they were going to email me and say that I couldn’t apply a 4th time.

Yet again this year my application was held for review in the final pool of applications–not a place you want to necessarily be admitted from. There are a lot of people in the pool, a lot of excellent candidates, and not many spots. My expectations were low this year. The first year I applied I expected acceptance and got full rejection. The second year I applied I expected acceptance and got a poor waitlist position (48 out of 50). The third year I applied I expected the waitlist, secretly hoped for acceptance, and got another pretty crappy waitlist position (36 of 50). This year I honestly expected rejection or a crappy waitlist spot and my secret hope was for a waitlist position in the single digits. I received an outright acceptance! Seriously, I almost didn’t even open the email. I got it on my phone, saw the sender and assumed it was the general email they send out saying that they had made decisions and mailed them. It took my brain a minute to register the Congratulations! and then another minute to realize a generic email about letters probably wouldn’t start with congratulations.

Last night was the happiest I have been in years. I was happy, other people were happy for me (and very very few know how many times I have applied). But it did come with a hint of sadness. My boyfriend, M, did not receive an acceptance email. We won’t know until the mail gets across the state to him if it’s a rejection or waitlist. That has been hard. It was hard last year when he was rejected and I was waitlisted. This year we thought perhaps there would be less emotion because both of us had been accepted to the DO school. But that didn’t happen. Turns out, deep down, both of us wanted really badly to attend the MD school. I didn’t expect to be this elated; he didn’t expect to be this hurt. So that’s something we’ll have to work through.

And today? Today it’s starting to feel more real. So much of my stress came from thinking I would have to move, sell my condo, uproot my life to go to school. All day today I have had random thoughts about how that won’t happen. I can keep my condo. I can make plans to paint more rooms. If I want to run 6.5 miles (as I did this morning) I have an exact route to do that. My plates and bowls will stay in the same cupboard in the same kitchen. All those little details settle my anxiety and make me very happy. I’m not big on change and with the huge changes that come with medical school it’s very calming to know that all my little habits and organization and routine stores can stay the same.

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