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Archive for December, 2013

How?

The semester has flown by. I last blogged 2 months ago. How has time gone so quickly?

Blogging crosses my mind sometimes but every time I sit down to write my mind goes blank. I’m never quite sure what to write. Every week is essentially the same. Go to class, study, take an exam, repeat. The last few weeks have felt a little different, primarily because I’m doing “lasts.” Last cell bio exam, last patient interview (for the semester), last dissection. It feels good. I have officially passed 4 classes in medical school. The hardest 2 are left (anatomy and biochem) but I don’t need fantastic scores on the final to pass either class (34 and 37% respectively). I think the most difficult thing will be motivating myself to study for the next 7 days.

Most days I continue to ask the same question. How have I done it? How have I gone from someone who failed (almost) every exam in the summer prep course to someone who has very little chance of actually failing any class? I still don’t feel like I’m smart enough to be here.

On the personal side, things have been difficult. I’m struggling a lot with purging, consumed with the thought that I am excessively fat, and just been in a lower mood overall. I’ve been going to the med student counseling center briefly every week and this week am meeting with a psychiatrist though I’m not sure I want to start medications now. Mostly I’m afraid of getting back into the never-ending cycle of mental health appointments though I am also afraid of continuing to purge and jeopardizing my relationship. Perhaps things will get better over break without the massive stress of finals.

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